Pre-Op, Day 21 (Almost time!)

Good morning! Gosh, it feels like forever since I posted last. There's been a lot going on! We spent the whole weekend celebrating my son's 8th birthday which comes on Wednesday. The party's not over, it will be a birthday week for him! He's spoiled rotten and he knows it.

I have to say that these last 3 weeks have been a very hard and emotional ride. I've learned so much about myself and my relationship with food. And I realize that I have a long way to go. I have a really good idea as to what causes my emotional meltdowns. For all of you that are just starting your pre-op or about to start, prepare yourself and just know that it will be really hard but that you can do it. I thought, after day 1, that there was no way I could continue to make myself turn down the foods that I so loved but I made myself and now I am proud of myself. This diet has been so incredibly restrictive, never satisfying, and my tummy is always growling with anger but I did it so I could start a new way of life. I did it because I don't want to sit on the sidelines of life all the time...I want to dive back into life again and enjoy every second of it instead of dreading the next day. I know that after surgery, the liquid diet and the mushy diet are hard too but at least my tummy won't be this big empty pit, always wanting more. I will have to learn to eat a lot less and that sounds so good to me.

The truth! The truth is, that now I'm freaking out again about the surgery. I have family members begging me not to do it, that I could die! I would almost go into panic mode talking to them. I asked my husband yesterday if I was doing the right thing and he said you know why you're doing this...you've gone over all the what ifs and all the positive aspects. I'm still freaking out but I realize that most of them have done little to no research and that they are thinking about results from other much more dangerous surgeries than this.

I just keep thinking that most of my stomach will be gone...FOREVER! What if I need it later in life...there's no going back! Do any of you ever feel this way? I'm not really scared of death during surgery anymore. I'm more afraid of 10-20-30 years down the line and how not having a full stomach will affect me. Will it cut my life short? Any opinions? My surgery is in 3 days and it's going to be so hard to drag myself in there knowing what I'm doing to myself. I'm freaking out! Ugh!